Step 3 – I am so grateful

The Power of Gratitude

Gratitude is huge!  Gratitude is enormous!  Gratitude is really, really, really big when it comes to creating happiness.  Are you getting the idea that I think gratitude is important? Gratitude is powerful because it can actually create peace and happiness.  It doesn’t just make you happy.  It doesn’t just bring you joy.  It can literally break up pain and replace it with peace and contentment. Now it’s not a magic bean.  This stuff doesn’t happen over night.  It’s more like that pot of chili that takes time to reach yummy tastiness.  Oh you can eat it as soon as it’s heated through.  Heck, you could eat it cold.  It might even taste ok.  But it won’t reach its full yummy potential without time and patience.  That’s gratitude.  It’s a bowl of spicy chili on a cold winter day when the wind is blowing and the snow is flying and the thermometer says 20 below.  It’s harsh outside.  It’s brutal outside.  It could even be fatal outside.  But inside, you are safe and warm and eating your delicious bowl of chili.  Why? Because you put in the time and the work to get it just right.  You did the work to get all the ingredients.  You chopped the onions fine and even put in a touch of garlic.  You let it simmer for hours and made some homemade cornbread to dunk in it.  I’m kinda getting hungry now!  

It’s the same thing with gratitude.  You need to put the work into it.  You can’t just open a can of tomato sauce and call it chili.  You have to practice gratitude all the time.  All throughout your day.  At first you need to consciously and intentionally think about it.  I started setting aside specific times to practice it.  Every morning when I wake up, I take a few seconds to think about what I’m most grateful for at that moment.  Then again when I drive to work, I think of things I’m grateful for.  Then again at noon…… you get the idea. Now, I’ve been doing this so long that all throughout my day, gratitude just pops in my head.  Some people keep gratitude journals.  I can’t do that.  Maybe you can, I can’t.  I tried.  I bought a nice new journal, got a new pen, set aside time to write before bed.  It worked great for about 3 days.  Then I just sorta stopped.  You’ll just have to find what works for you.  The point is, don’t give up.

So, why is gratitude important?  It makes what you have, feel like it’s enough.  Have you ever bought a new car?  I mean that shiny, leather still smells good, new car?  I did once.  I got a shiny, red HHR.  It was the best car ever.  I loved that car.  I smiled for weeks driving that car.  Then after about 3 years, it was ok.  It was fine.  I still liked it, but it was nothing special.  Another 3 or 4 years passed and I was sick of that stupid car.  There was nothing wrong with it.  It ran great and still looked great.  The seats were like new.  It hadn’t really changed at all.  I had.  I was just plain tired of it and wanted something new.  I wasn’t grateful for that car.  What a brat!  Lots of people would be so thankful for that little car.  Not me.  I was ready to move on.  I even started to feel bad.  I not only didn’t appreciate it, I was starting to get kinda angry thinking about it.  I really wanted something new and shiny so I could go back to that feeling of happiness I had.  Like I said, the car didn’t change – I did.  Getting a new car wouldn’t create happiness for me.  It would bring me some joy for a year or 2, but then it would just be another car again.  So a shiny new car can NOT create happiness.  See the difference?  Because this is important.  It can bring me some measure of happiness for a while, but it can’t create it. What can?  Gratitude.  Being grateful for that little, red HHR could have created happiness for me.  If I had practiced my gratitude for that car, I wouldn’t have felt like I needed something else.  I wouldn’t have had that aching, pit in my stomach, feeling like I’m missing out feeling when I thought about it.  Does that mean you keep the same car forever? Heck no.  You buy a new car whenever you need one.  But be grateful for the one you currently have and you will be happier.  When you decide it would be nice to get something new, be grateful for that opportunity.  Be grateful for the years of service your old HHR gave you.  Be grateful for the job and the money that will allow you to buy a new car.  Be grateful.  That’s what will keep you from feeling like something is lacking in your life.  That is what will keep you from feeling like you are missing out on something better.  That is what will keep you from feeling angry that you can’t afford a shiny new Tahoe.  With all that said, you have to have your basic physical needs met to have peace in your life.  You have to be fortunate enough to have a safe place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear, etc.  Now I’m not saying you need a newer, bigger house to have you needs met.  I’m saying you need a safe place to live.  I have a very good friend who lost her house to a tornado.  I mean, one minute it was there and the next….poof…. it was gone.  And she was in it with her husband at the time.  Talk about devastating!  She no longer had a safe place to live or clothes to wear or anything else.  She was definitely in crisis mode in the hours following the storm.  But, after time, things calmed down and she slowly started to get them back again.  She had to live in a hotel for months.  She went from a big, beautiful home to a small little hotel room.  But… here’s the biggy, she was grateful to be able to live in that tiny little room.  Sure it drove her crazy from time to time.  She was living in a hotel room for heaven’s sake.  But she was still grateful and that brought some peace to an otherwise topsy turvy life.  It made things better for her so she could not only survive the devastation but find peace and contentment.  She had to work for it.  It didn’t come naturally.  I’m sure she wanted to yell and scream and cry like some other people who lost their homes did.  But she was grateful and she found some peace.  Did I mention gratitude is huge?  It is.  Huge.

Now, here is where gratitude has its real power.  It can actually take any negative feeling you have, whether it’s anger or loneliness or grief or jealousy, whatever IT is and break it up.  If you break it up enough, it will disappear or at least become small enough that it doesn’t consume you any more.  Let me give you an example.  You can’t live 50 years without having pain and sorrow in your life.  It just happens.  I had a time when someone I cared very much about completely betray me.  It was devastating.  My heart broke.  My stomach hurt.  How could this have happened?  I thought this person liked me.  I thought they cared about me.  It was such a complete betrayal that it could never be repaired.  Correction, it could have been repaired, but they didn’t want to.  They never admitted what they did and I don’t think they ever will.  Betrayal!  It took me a few days to be able to even think about putting these steps to work.  But eventually I got tired of feeling hurt.  So I admitted that I was mad and hurt and betrayed, but it was ok because I was going to work to bring peace to my life.  I admitted that I didn’t know what that person was feeling.  I don’t know what pain they must have been in to do something so mean.  I don’t know if they meant to do it on purpose or if it just kind of blew up and they didn’t know how to stop it.  I didn’t know then and I don’t know now.  Here comes the gratitude part.  I can not and will not be grateful that it happened.  But, I did say “I’m so grateful that my husband loves me and supports me and is there for me when I need him the most.  I’m so grateful for my kids and my family.  I’m so grateful that I get the chance to grow as a person. ”  I would like to say that after saying those words…poof… my life was better.  It wasn’t.  It took days of saying it over and over just to feel a little better.  But I did feel better.  That incident was years ago and I’m still not over it.  When I see that person I get anxious and nervous and worry about what I’m going to say.  But, I was able to let the anger go.  Not because what they did was ok (it wasn’t).  But because I wanted to be happy.  And for me to be happy, I had to let the anger and sadness go.  Now, with that said, they are no longer a part of my life.  They are not my friend and they probably won’t be again.  But, I’m nice to them when I see them and I don’t hold any anger towards them.  Not for them…. for me.  Every case is different and every person is different.  How long it takes you and how small your pain gets over time varies from person to person.  What is constant is the fact that practicing gratitude will help this pain to shrink.  It will create peace for you.  It is power.  

Homework:  Start small.  Everyday, consciously take the time to find things in your life to be grateful for.  Every day.  As many times as you can.  Then I want you to think of something that makes you nervous or angry or sad.  Start to think about something you can be grateful for with it.  If someone cuts you off in traffic, instead of cussing or honking your horn in anger, say “I’m mad and that’s ok because I’m going to work through it”  Remember, you are not a mind reader.  You have no idea why they just cut you off, so don’t take it personally.  Maybe they were daydreaming, maybe they just made a mistake, maybe they are going to the hospital, maybe they are just a jerk.  You don’t know.  Then say “I’m so grateful they didn’t hit me.  I’m so grateful I was able to avoid an accident.  I’m so grateful…….”  You may not be happy it happened, but you won’t be as angry anymore.  It works.  It’s powerful.  Try it.  But, like chili it takes time.  Be patient. You CAN do this.  You CAN create happiness for yourself.  You have the power!  Isn’t that cool?!  You CAN do this.  It just takes time and work.  Don’t quit.  You are worth the effort.

If you have any questions or comments, just let me know.  I love talking about this stuff!  Let me know about a time that gratitude helped you out or maybe something you are doing now to get through pain in your life.

Wishing you much peace,

Molly

 

 

2 thoughts on “Step 3 – I am so grateful

  1. With one failed marriage behind me and a new marriage in front of me….. I have been thinking about having Matt and I keep a gratitude journal to set the stage in our marriage. Like you….. I’ve not had luck journaling…but I think I’ll give it another try. I’ll keep you posted!

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    • Hi Sara,
      I never thought about keeping a gratitude journal as a couple. What a cool thing to do! I hope you do it. Let me know how it goes. I’m not sure I like the phrase “failed” marriage. I have no idea what to call it, but I’m not sure it was a failure. We all learn and grow as we go through things. The marriage may not have survived, but maybe it lived it’s life and now you are supposed to experience something else. Maybe you should say “My first marriage ran it’s course and now I’m going to have an entirely new experience with a new marriage”. On second thought, that would take about an hour just to spit out. Hmmmm. Thanks for the comment. Lots of love with you rnew marriage adventure!

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