The Invisible Man

Hello Again.  It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything.  Sorry about that.  I would like to say that it’s because with the holidays, and becoming a new grandma again, I’ve been too busy.  But that’s not true.  The truth is I got into a funk.  I started to think, “what’s the point?”  I thought nobody was reading my blog or liked what I wrote, so I just couldn’t get motivated to post anything.  Worse than that, I stopped trying to move closer to God.  It’s just so much work.  Have you ever noticed that?  Trying to have a relationship with God is a lot of work.  It’s not one of those nice, easy-going relationships.  It’s like trying to have a relationship with the Invisible Man.  The silent, Invisible Man.  It seems like I do all the work and He just sits somewhere “up there” and watches me.  I know that’s not true, but that’s how it feels sometimes.  I work and work and work and never seem to get anywhere.  “Oh poor Molly”.  I know, I know.  But that’s how it feels.

Then I started to think about our camping trips.  We have horses (and 1 ugly mule) that we like to take on camping trips.  Those trips are always sooo much work to get ready for.  I complain every time.  There’s just a lot to do to get ready.  I used to say to my husband “Do you think these meals just magically appear”.  I have to do all the shopping and food prep and packing.  It’s a lot of work.  And every time my husband would say “Why are you doing all this?  We just need a loaf of bread and some peanut butter.  We don’t need these big meals.”  When we go camping I plan for every possible emergency that could happen.  It seems like I pack everything that we own into that trailer “just in case”.  And heaven forbid I go somewhere without chocolate.  What if I have a chocolate emergency?!  Then it dawned on me.  I’m making it hard.  It doesn’t have to be hard.  I’m making it that way.

Maybe I’m doing the same thing with God.  Maybe I’m the one making this hard.  Maybe He’s saying “Molly, you just need a loaf of bread and some peanut butter.”  I feel like I have to do all this work and try to be what He wants me to be.  I feel like I have to be what everybody wants me to be.  Maybe I just have to be me.  Maybe I just need to stop working and relax.  There’s a thought.  That’s usually when my brain kicks in and says “What if everything goes to pot?”  I suppose I need to trust that it won’t.  And how are you supposed to have a relationship with The Invisible Man if you don’t work at it?  It’s not like He’s sitting beside me holding my hand and rubbing my shoulders.   How are you supposed to have a relationship with someone you can’t see or hear?  How are you supposed to have a relationship with someone who you’ve never met?  Maybe I need to just trust Him and let Him start to do some of the work.  How the heck am I supposed to do that?

I think I’m going to sit back and try to just “feel” Him in my everyday life.  Not thinking about what I should be doing or what He wants me to do or what everyone else wants me to do.  Instead of doing things, I’m just going to “feel” Him in my life –  especially when I’m doing something that I “shouldn’t” be doing like eating the fourth cookie of the day or lazing around when I should be working or when I think bad things about people that I shouldn’t be thinking.  In fact, the word “should” is going to leave my vocabulary for a while.  I’m just going to try and “feel” Him.  That’s tough with the Invisible Man.  But I’m going to try it.  It can’t hurt.  Right?  I’m going to try to stop beating myself up for eating a cookie when I shouldn’t be or for being lazy or for having judgmental thoughts about people.  If I can’t see Him than I’m just going to try and “feel” Him.  And no more “shoulds”.  That word is leaving my vocabulary.  At least for the next week.  Let’s see how it goes.  It can’t hurt.  Right?  And maybe, just maybe it will help me to get back on track again.  We’ll see.  Wish me luck.

Wishing you all the peace in the world,

Molly